i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
