i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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