Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize