Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Randomize
