Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
you didnt know i had herpes?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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