Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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