Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
