im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
handjob tips. give me some.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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