I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
