am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
