im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm getting married
To pizza
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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