We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Randomize
