I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
