If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
