took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
vagina is talking i cant
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
