just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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