Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize