Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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