you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize