Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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