I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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