She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
