Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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