if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
