i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
