i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
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