Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
