OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
