I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
i need to put some appletini on your dick
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
