I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
