I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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