Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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