I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
