the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
