I wish life had little blips of pornography
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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