maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
