Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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