you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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