my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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