nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
