Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
