so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
