So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
