i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
