no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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