Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
