Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
My vagina just recognized that song.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
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