oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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