My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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