cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Randomize
