He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
