yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize