She's JV to your varsity
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
