so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
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