She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
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