accomplished twins. life is a go
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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