yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
My breasts were aching with rage.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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