hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I'm bleeding and have questions
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
