saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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