Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
