Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
