she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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