Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
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