you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
