I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
