Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize