How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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