I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
My legs feel like baby dolphins
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
