I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
