apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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